I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
organizing the empties. That sober.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
