the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
