update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
