i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
