Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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