this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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