we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
