Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
