You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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