Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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