I just cut my nipple shaving
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
