Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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