No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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