pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I look excited, but its just a facade.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
