Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We have started to decorate penises.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
