I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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