so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
