my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
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Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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