I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
