my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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