I wish I only lived at night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
