Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize