i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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