the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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