Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
