I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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