1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
