I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize