I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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