I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
