Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
