I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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