six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
