she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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