matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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