I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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