She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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