went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
