she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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