Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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