I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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