Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
