you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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