i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
