my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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