Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
