sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
