piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
