Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
