Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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