i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
