The best revenge is premature balding
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
