I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
