How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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