I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
