yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Come see our sink grown plant.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
