There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
