im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Another day, another engagement, another cat
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
