Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
