drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
