High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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