My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
