I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
