I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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