youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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