She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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