Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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