We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
